The days are getting shorter and the weather is getting cold. I leave my school at 4pm each night and the sun has already set and the last of the light fades behind the mountains as I walk up the stairs to my apartment. The autumn sun shines on the weekends to lighten the mood but the weekdays are overcast with cloud and rain making the weeks drag on. I lay in bed at night restless, listening to the wind howl as the rice paper shiver in the breeze coming through the walls.
I feel like my emotions imitate the weather patterns. When the sun is shining I frolic in the autumn leaves and take in the scenery around me with a smile on my face but when the clouds come down i feel a heavy weight on my shoulders and my thoughts turn darker. When talking to a friend this week they described me as a relaxed and level headed person. I snicker at this thought since I am the most emotional person i know. Yet, this is not the first time someone has perceived me as completely opposite to how I feel inside. Maybe i should become an actress....
This week i have struggled with my emotions. I feel one way but i know I should feel another for various reasons and have decided to be stubborn and just fight with myself for days. I have exhausted myself emotionally and after going to Kyudo practice tonight I am now physically and mental exhausted as well. I have opened a bottle of acidic Japanese wine and cocooned myself into the flannel blankets beside the heater..the hail has just started to fall and I the wine is maybe my cheeks rosy and my head light.
I have been in Japan for 4 months.
This is just another part of the adventure i remind myself as I take another sip. i am not worried. Just when i think I have had enough Japan always makes me smile.
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